it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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