i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
