Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
