I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
