I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
