Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
