Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
