I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
