I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
