It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
