I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
