I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
