We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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