Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
