someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i believe in u and ur pee
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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