What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
