Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
