I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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