textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
