I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
