bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
