I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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