Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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