1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
