wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
