I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
