Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
