she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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