Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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