he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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