if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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