walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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