Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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