remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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