South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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