I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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