Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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