if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she peed on how many people?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize