Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
