and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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