Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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