I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
