Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
