I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
