The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I accidentally had phone sex last night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
