If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
