ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize