On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
