I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
third nipple confirmed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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