I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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