I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
