I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are the jesus of drinking
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
