Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize