So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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