I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's shark week go big or go home
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
