so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
