Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
