Someone shit on the floor
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
