She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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