Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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