wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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