He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
