Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
