Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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