I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
