Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
