I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
