my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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