What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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