That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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