doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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