I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
