and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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