it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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