Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize