i think i have two assholes
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
