Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
