Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize