i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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