we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
