8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
