Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize