I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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