I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have feelings that need drinking.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
