Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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