so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
