shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
