Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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