Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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