I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
