Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
