i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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