I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
