I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize